Ouch

Inhale: the pain can be no worse;
I sink into nothing but spirit.
I breathe the pain inside out,
the colors subside into gray.

Exhale: the pain will be worse still-there's no scale
of one to ten or one million-

Blah, blah, blah...I'm just sayin'. Decent day w/my boys and awesome Old 97s concert tonight but still hurting :-(

I'd be lying if

I said I didn't cry this weekend, but I'd also be lying if I said the weekend sucked. In general it was good, but yep: tears all three days.

Friday, I maintained pretty well and only had a short bout around 12:30p or so and again at 10:30p. Dave, you suck for not being there for me when I needed you, but I suppose you can't always be so I need to learn how to deal. Seth, you rock for keeping me distracted. Blythe and Nicole, you chickees both brought me smiles thanks to you too.

Saturday didn't start out so well, but I composed myself and faced the world and even felt rather jubilant for part of the day. Then the sadness came back, and I tried desperately to fight it; I even managed to bite back tears sitting just inches from someone else without him noticing: yep, I can be that good at swallowing the sad when I try hard. Then as I waited for Todd to get off of work and sat alone in the house the waves took over me again, but this time I let them win. Thank goodness I had multiple phone calls from my Elizabeth to cheer me up. Of course, then I log in to check two days worth of missed My Space, and I see my Elizabeth's blog which brought me to tears as well.

Relief came when Todd got home, and we ventured into the rain for the Death Cab for Cutie concert. The concert was awesome, but admittedly made me tear up a little. I can barely listen to "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" on my iPod without tearing up so I'm pretty pleased with myself for holding it together as I listened to it live. I had a blast at the concert: thanks Todd, Elizabeth and posse, Nicole, Brandon, boys from Chamber Booze cruise, boys that love Ron Paul and boys that work at Smokin' Chicks. The Smokin' Chicks boys were exceptionally awesome to me. Anyway, the concert was AWESOME!!!! I had so much fun with my peeps.

After a great night why did I end up in tears again today? Well, my poor, sweet pregnant Blythe called me crying which then made me cry a bit for her and reopened emotional floodgates for me. Together she and I were a mess. It doesn't help that today (and for most of the last several days) I feel fat and unattractive.

Okay, sorry, I just needed to vent a bit. If you haven't noticed though, I'm steadily coming back around to happy Karen. Anyway to cheer myself up and to hopefully feel pretty again I am going to buy myself a cute hat from Urban Outfitters and a bossy corset and thigh highs from lalalingerie.com. Yeah for comfort shopping!

I am torn as to which hat to get and also whether I should get a corset and thigh highs or just the thigh highs that look like a corset up the back. What I do know is that I need a pick me up so I am getting something.